Or, if you are a fan of other 70's Rock songs, we could call this page "Time Passages"

I'm writing today a post that (judging by the feeling in my stomach) will be more difficult that I thought it would be. Here goes.

I'm moving my blog. I may continue to post pictures of Toby here, but writing on this blog will be either severely curtailed, or stop entirely, starting now. I'm not leaving blogging, I"m simply moving to another blog platform. There are two main reasons for this, which I want to share with you.

First, and this is the least important of the two...I have found over the past two and a half years that I really enjoy blogging. A lot. I have always liked to write, and publishing on the internet has been a lot of fun. It's an instant way to record thoughts; faster than writing, more immediate-feeling. And though I have really loved writing about the boys, there is so much else going on in my life...the knitting, the crafting, things I see and hear on a daily basis that I want to comment on. If you know much about blogging, you know that Live Journal is really a community site. You can interact with a lot of people...but as far as starting a blog and joining the blogging community, it is low on the list of places to do that. There are other blogging platforms (like blogger, which isn't really a fancy place, but will do the job) that will provide me with a way to be a bigger part of the blogging community out there. I love to read blogs...but I don't comment much. I want to change that and become more a part of the online communities out there. I have some secret hopes, also, of looking for ways to take my writing a little more seriously. I have received some very lovely complements about my writing on this site, and someday I would like to do something with it. I think that writing and exposing my writing a little more will provide me with some nice feedback and comment from people outside my immediate circle. Maybe explore some places and ways to get my writing out there a little more and get some feedback on ways to improve.

Secondly...most importantly....this really is a blog about Ben. I have really tried to refrain, in the past two and a half years, from posting things off-topic, and to a large degree (with a few exceptions) I have succeeded in this. My decision doesn't mean I'll never write about Ben again, nor does it mean that writing about Toby isn't something I'll ever do again...it just means that there are lots more things I'd like to explore. I don't feel right about doing that here...It's Ben's place, Toby's place...not a place for me to write about the election (although I did already do that) or fall colors or knitting. It doesn't feel right when I'm off topic.

My stomach is in knots because making this decision feels, in some small way, like leaving a part of Ben behind. I don't plan on deleting this journal, and I plan on backing it up because I want to have these memories forever. Memories that aren't filtered through the lens of grief or time. But it's sad to move on. I have never been good at it.

If you visit my "new" blog, you will see that there are already entries there. They are a bit personal...I used this blog to write about some pretty dark days after Toby was Born and after Ben died. But you will see that there are few entries. I have tried for awhile to keep two blogs, and as the number of entries on the other will attest to, I failed miserably. I wanted a place to post things that were not Ben-related. Things that I was, honestly, kind of afraid to post. I realize now that although some of those posts are raw, they are also very honest and represent a very real time and real feelings. It's okay to put those out there. I don't know why I can post so honestly about Ben and his health and life and death and be afraid to put myself out there in the same way, but it is harder.

As for Toby, I plan on writing about him on the new blog as well. He's a huge part of what is happening in my life, obviously, and his milestones are no less important than Ben's. But if I want to write about life, I want to write about my whole life...

So update your bookmarks, readers. A new day is coming. As a kick-start, I've undertaking something truly fun (read: crazy and insane). I will be participating in National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo), which encourages bloggers to post every day for a month. It takes place in the month of November. It's a challenge, to write every day. Even when I kept a written journal I didn't always write every day. But I want to get this started, so I"m giving NaBloPoMo a shot. For those of you who have known about my other spot on the internet, it's back so check it out again. You can leave comments, and read, just like here. It's just a step in a new direction. I hope you'll check it out. www.coffeemomma.blogspot.com

I just finished watching the Debate.



I'm going to try and overlook the fact that McCain stated in his health care plan that people with "gold plated health care plans" are getting "Cosmetic surgery...and transplants and the like". I'm going to focus on issues here. I'm going to try very very hard not to judge McCain on his foibles and mistakes.

I'm going to try and forget that McCain doesn't even know his own running mate well enough to know that her child has DOWN SYNDROME not AUTISM (unless they are diagnosing 6 month old children now). No, wait, I can't. I just can't. Consider this: Autism. Down syndrome. Are we really lumping everyone who is mentally or physically challenged together and using interchangeable terms? Really? That's not okay with me. It's just not. It's a symptom of a larger problem to me, not just a simple word mistake.

On the Today show this morning there was a piece on parents of children with Down syndrome who are voting for McCain/Palin because "she understands their struggle" and "understands where they are". I do not dispute this. I cannot deny that when I see that baby onstage a small part of me says "YEAH" to see the weight of Down syndrome awareness on the shoulders of that tiny baby.

But I believe with every fiber of my being that if you have a child with special needs, and you vote for candidate because they also have a child with special needs, you are doing a terrible disservice to the entire community and the political struggle for education and societal equality that is still going on! If I were Black, I would not vote for Obama because he is "Black like me". I would not vote for Hillary or Sara Palin because they are women. To do so is offensive and sets back everything that has been gained both groups. It discounts struggles that still exist.

In this country, the "N" word is, rightfully so, disgraceful and unacceptable. Calling a woman a "dame", a "chick", a "dumb bitch" is equally disgraceful and unacceptable. (Let's please not go into the debate about how these terms are used in circles of equals and accepted there...it's a valid point of conversation but not pertinent here). Yet in High schools across America, in work places, in colleges, on work crews, in homes people still think that it is okay to say "retard".
I'm a retard.
That's retarted.
I just had a retard moment.
You are a retard.

Really? Is this okay? Is it okay to be demeaning to a segment of our population that cannot defend themselves?

In all fairness, this is not my original argument. You can see the original here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoqaNG0Ozqc

This is only one part of the struggle that special needs families deal with on a daily basis. Health care, working because they have to when they should be or want to be staying at home, worrying about how they will get time off for surgeries, or to take a child to therapy or doctor's appointments....these are REAL issues. Worrying about sending your child to school, how will they be accepted? What kind of education will they get? Will they get left behind? Are they getting what they need? Do the teachers care or are they doing the minimum to get by? These issues are Real. Please do not tell me that instead of considering these REAL issues that affect your family you are going to vote for someone who is "like you". That is shocking.

I don't want to have coffee with Sara Palin. Even though, yes, I think she might be fun.
I don't want to have her over for conversation.
I don't want to vote for her because Trig has DS.

I want to vote based on issues. And I want you to vote that way too. I want you to vote your BRAIN, even though your heart tells you otherwise. Consider the issues. Educate yourself. Vote for the candidate that you believe will do the best job to put this nation on course, to provide for those who cannot provide for themselves, and make sure we are treated fairly...all of us...

Fall is here in earnest. I love being outside at this time of year...I love the way the light looks, I love the trees. I love the feel of the air. Yesterday I took Toby out to get the stink blown off of him:





OK, yeah, he got a little dirty, but whatever. He had fun crawling around on the driveway and the deck.

In the past week, we have seen some major changes in Toby, and it feels like they all happened at once. He's really and truly crawling now, and we've really started to childproof things. Scott and I feel that we take care of the things that will cause him immediate danger and go from there. We're using gates, plug protectors, putting on the cabinet locks. Then there are things for our own protection, monetarily speaking: toilet lock to prevent things down the tubes, VCR and Stereo guard because buttons are SO MUCH FUN. It is crazy to me that I've had kids for two and a half years, and now is the first time we've had to think about this.

In general, we try and let Toby do and explore what he wants, and watch him like a hawk. He's learning NO, in that we say it when necessary then redirect his attention to something else. It's working well....I want the redirection to be important. Letting him explore has led to Toby learning to climb stairs. Seriously, the third day he was crawling ( or so ) he did an entire flight of stairs with Scott right behind. Baby gates are important at our house since we have a tri-level and the house seems made of stairs.

Spent the past weekend in Philadelphia for a wedding. It was lovely, the weekend, the people...so much fun. It was a nice break to be away from Toby for awhile, my mom had him, but we were glad to get home to him. Surprise surprise. :)

For awhile there, things got better. Life did move on, and although we missed Ben terribly, we managed to live and things went on pretty normally. Well, we hit a roadbump today. I know they are going to come up, but it's still hard when it happens. Today was the Buddy Walk, and as you all know, we formed a team in Ben's honor and went to walk for him. It was a lovely day, crisp and cool, but sunny and full of fall color. The kind of day that makes you want to dress your kids up cute and take their picture outside.
This week, coming up to the walk, was harder than I expected. It made me miss Ben more than normal...and it hurt more to think of him than it has in awhile. Today was rough...seeing Ben's peers, other kids with Down Syndrome, how happy they were today as their friends and family cheered them on made me think of how much Ben loved the people in his life and how much joy he brought us.
There were bright moments and comfort to be found today also. A group of our closest friends and family came to walk with us. Scott's sister Jill surprised us by being here from Seattle (of all places!). After the walk we invited our "young friends" (a term which, unintentionally, hurt my dad's feelings) back to the house for Burgers and fun. Babies played. Much laughter was carried out. We talked about life and the past and things not important...also some things important.
I scheduled time with friends today because I thought it would be fun to do after the walk, and I probably knew unconsciously how much it would help. Being surrounded by people who love and care for us and for Ben was a million times better than coming back to an empty house with all those memories.

I heard a story on NPR the other day.... A woman spoke about a hike she had taken up a mountain. How when you climb a mountain, and we're not talking Everest here, just a casual hike...you only want to know about the top. She spoke about coming down after reaching the top and meeting some other hikers, a couple. The couple was obviously tired, hot and impatient. They were obviously arguing. The wife of this couple asked the woman coming down the mountain "It doesn't get much harder than this, does it?"
Now, this woman knew the next part...going up to the summit...was much harder. It was rocky and steep. There was a lot to go before reaching the top. But, she said, there are times in our lives when people don't want the truth. They want to be reassured. By asking the question, the person is not looking for a truthful and thorough answer, they want to know that things will be okay.

I think that life is like this. Sometimes I think to myself "The worst is behind me" because although I know that life always has surprises in store, some pleasant and some terrible, I don't want to know about them. I don't want to know that there will be days when it still feels like Ben has been gone only an hour, and the grieving is just setting in. I want to think that there will only be days when I remember him, love him, and am able to move through life normally. I don't want to think that in my future there are sure to be other losses, sickness, hard times. I want to know that the top is right around the corner and my Ben is waiting there for me. And the view is beautiful.

But here's what I think...having climbed a few mountains (literally and figuratively) in my time. The top is worth waiting for. On our honeymoon Scott and I climbed a mountain that had four false peaks. You would think you were getting to the top, only to look up and see more trail. It was hot out. The trail was so rocky and steep at some points we had to scramble up on all fours. But when we did finally reach the top, the view was so breathtaking...the wind was so strong...we looked down at the path and you know what? I couldn't point out the hard parts. I couldn't look at it and say "that's where I fell"..."that's the part that took me ten minutes"...all I could see was what was around me and I knew that getting there was worth it.

I'm not the first person to make an analogy about life being like a mountain...but I liked the commentary I heard this week and the point it put on the idea for me. I don't want to know how far the top is. I don't want to know how hard it will be to get there. I don't want to know if the hardest part is done. I want to know that what I'm doing is worth it, that there is a mountain top to get to...and that it will be a great view.

As of yesterday, we have official crawling over long distances. There is a video on the Flickr photo page (link is to the left). Unfortunately, we're also cutting a top incisor, so the crankiness you hear on this video? It's NOTHING compared to the rest of the day. :)

Well, as stated previously, we went to the pediatric opthamologist yesterday. Since birth, Toby has had what we call a "lazy eye"...his right eye drifts out, usually when he's focusing at long distances or when he's tired. The pediatrician and our optomitrist both said that this is fairly normal and not to worry about it until nine or ten months of age. Over the past nine months, we have noticed it less frequently, but it's definately still there, so I asked the doctor about it when we were in for the last check up. He referred us to Dr. Baker, an opthamologist.
The appointment went very smoothly, Toby was a champ. The nurse/tech looked at him first, then put some drops in his eyes to dilate them. She said she definately noticed the drift (making me feel better, that it wasn't an optical illusion or figment of my imagination). Dr. Baker was great. We have a few friends who take their kids there (he's supposed to be the only/best in the area, and lots of our friends who have kids with DS take them there).
So the problem is not with vision (Toby sees fine) and not with muscles. He said there is a problem with the brain and how it tells that eye to work, it's just not getting the message to the eye to work as hard as the other. It's not unusual and not dangerous, and now is definately the time to fix it. We will be "patching" Toby's eye for two hours a day for the next two months, then we go back to the doctor. He said that the patching should help. He also said he is about 99% sure that Toby will need surgery at some point. The surgery is done at Children's and is an outpatient procedure. (Insert interlude where we sing the praises of Children's, tell him about Ben, and he reports he's on the board there).
I feel kind of stupid, after spending two years of my life "on top" of various medical issues that I didn't ask ONE SINGLE QUESTION. Seriously, I was like a slack jawed yokel. And now I have TONS of questions. How will we know if surgery is needed? When is it done? Is there a chance that the patching will fix this problem? And I need him to repeat the name of the condition slowly so that I can commit it to memory. I think I'm going to call today and ask for a return call so that I can ask some questions and put my mind at ease.
It doesn't matter that this is "common" or that the surgery is "usually harder on mom and dad"...I'm a little worried. I mean, for obvious reasons (this is my kid) and those that are obvious for our family (after everything we went through with Ben). For now we are going to focus on the patching and not worry about the future. I'm not really freaking out, but I kind of have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Don't forget the buddy walk this weekend, you can register on site on saturday if you want. I'm looking forward to it, but also being hit with a flood of memories of Ben. The greiving is a little stronger this week. I am looking forward to seeing some friends that we haven't seen, since we haven't been going to many events, but it will be bittersweet.

Went to the eye doctor today. I'll have the full post later, but for now, this is the result. We are "patching" two hours a day. Toby isn't thrilled with the patch, but he's been okay with it. Distraction (playing, standing, cheerios or the Bob) help immensely. It's cruel but we can't stop the pirate jokes.

He's destined to be a lady killer.

Sometimes you get pictures, and you look at them later and realize how funny they are. Scott and I laughed good and long at this one....I am not quite sure what Toby is doing here...I was responsible for the socks, though.

Yesterday we went to Lansing to visit a new friend of Toby's, Anja. She's my friend Sue's daughter, and is a total cutie. Toby played well (maybe it was the wooden ring toy that drew him in), and we had a great time. Pictures this week (I got a few good ones). I planned to put Toby in his jams (pajamas) and bring him home, counting on him to fall asleep in the car, as he usually does. For some reason, this was just not in the cards. He screamed the whole way home. The. Whole. Way. I pulled off at an exit to check on him and he was just unhappy...not a diaper issue, not a carseat issue, not a bob issue. Just unhappy. I had no other choice but to drive as fast as I could to get home. It was the longest hour of my life, no kidding. But when we got home, he did fall asleep pretty fast, and slept all night...no diaper changes, no bobbing, nothing. Thank God for small favors, right?

Yesterday Toby switched up his regular routine (consisting of standing, pulling up on mom, more standing, and crying so mom will help me stand) by learning to push buttons on his toy phone and showing me he learned to play peek a boo. Hours of cuteness followed. I am so amazed by how much he learns and how fast he learns it.

The crawling, oh the crawling. We're working on it. On friday night, Toby *DID* two "crawling steps"...that is, he moved his arms and his legs to propel himself in a forward direction. Most of the time, though, he will move his legs forward, then use his legs to belly flop forward, then repeat. It's funny to watch, and we've been taking video. I'm going to learn how to upload video clips so that I can put that up here, when I have some spare time. Scott and I had much discussion about whether the two steps on friday counted in the pool, and I think it did. Toby did, after all, crawl. That means that Sue has won Ice cream. mmmm. Lucky duck. :)

Spare time is a precious commodity lately, and it's going to get even more scarce when he starts crawling, because instead of just wanting my attention, Toby will NEED and demand that I keep an eye on him so he doesn't get into things. It seems strange that we've had children for two and a half years and this is the first time I have had to worry about this.

So I have to write about an interesting phenomenon that happens EVERYWHERE Toby and I go. Now, I know my kid is cute, but I'm more than a little biased. Toby, however, seems to know he's cute too. This is probably because people tell him so where ever we go...the store, the mall. Out for walks. The other day I was in Jo Ann fabrics and I heard him coo in the basket. I turned around to find him holding court with FOUR Jo Ann employees who were making fools out of themselves over him. Toby, of course, eats this up. It has gotten so bad that now when we go somewhere, Toby will spy a person, lock eyes on them, smile and tip his head just so. Sometimes he'll coo or babble. And inevitably, they say "Oh, you are SO cute"...and then it begins. The giggling, the eye batting. The person always makes a fool out of themselves. Toby eats it up. If someone doesn't pay attention to him, he will either babble at them or find someone else to start on. But it gets better! Scott and I were out for a walk the other day with Toby in the stroller, and a woman PULLED OVER AND STOPPED HER CAR to tell us how adorable our baby was. Okay, that kind of freaked me out. But still. Someday when he's a teenager and being especially annoying I will say something like "When you were a baby people used to ADORE you and look at how you've grown up"... or some other mom-like phrase like that.

Last monday we went to the pediatrician for the nine-month check up. Toby is 21lbs, 13 oz and 30 1/2 inches long. He's gotten pretty tall of late, and started to lose just a little of the baby chub I'm so fond of. Since he was born, Toby has had a bit of a lazy eye, on and off we notice it, usually when he's "zoning out" or looking at something far away. We thought it had gone away (apparently this is common in infants and most grow out of it), but we noticed it again the other day. I asked the doctor about it and he said it's probably nothing, but it's worth getting it checked out to make sure. We have an appointment with a pediatric opthamologist on Sept. 24. It's a two hour appointment, so they must be thorough! Scott is taking a half day to go with us, which I'm thankful for!

Don't forget to sign up for the Buddy Walk, which is in two short weeks. We'll be sure to have a good day, and there will be picnicking afterwards. If you want to sign up and didn't get a brochure in the mail (which will give you admission and free parking), Email me or leave a comment and I'll get you one. We got a call the other day that the parent group is reprinting the bookmarks they put out a year or so ago...one of them had Ben's picture on it, and they wanted to know if it was okay to reprint that one. Naturally we said yes. The fact that little things like this happen....the bookmarks, the fact that his picture is in the Buddy walk brochure, it all makes me so glad. It makes me think that others are remembering him too, and that I'm not the only one who thinks of him all the time. It means a lot that people want to remember and honor Ben. Things are getting better, but I still have moments when I miss Ben so much it is physically painful. Not as many, thankfully, but still some. I think that the hardest thing about losing a child is that you feel so alone...it's a loss that many people can't identify with, even though they want to help sometimes it's hard to know how. And for the parent, it's hard to know when it's okay to talk about the loss and when it's not. I mean this not only in a social context, but in an emotional one too. Sometimes it's just not a day I want to talk about Ben. Sometimes I don't want to do anything else. It's good to know that people still care...makes me think that people will still listen.

Till next time, take a look at some ( pictures )

So it's finally september. Today would be the first day of school for me, but I"m here at home. I love this.

Scott and I went away this weekend, just the two of us, no Toby. Toby stayed with Scott's mom, and apparently had a great time. When we came home, we were betting on what would happen: a big smile, shriek and laugh or a complete meltdown. Scott won with the meltdown. Toby was just so overwhelmed at seeing us that he could do nothing but cry. It was short lived, though, and he recovered quickly. He was very good for Nana, and had a great weekend.

Scott and I also had a great weekend. We went camping at a provincial park in Ontario, on Lake Erie. It was a beautiful weekend and we had a great time doing NOTHING. We read. I knit on a new sock. We sat by the lake. We went on walks and looked at birds. That's it. It was so wonderful. I would like to show you pictures...lots of them. I saw lots of things to take pictures of. But here's the story: I wanted to borrow my dad's camera, because he has a better camera than us. I told him I didn't need the memory card, because ours would work. He gladly let us borrow the camera. There was a note on it reminding me that there was no card in it. When we got to the campground and Scott turned it on, he said "There's no card in this camera"...and I swore, remembering that I was supposed to bring ours. So I would like to show you pictures of the shore of Lake Erie, the Herons we saw in the marsh, the Cormoront with a broken foot swimming around, the sign on the beach that said "Parents, children are your responsibility" (why aren't there more signs like this?). You will just have to wait until we go again.

In the meantime, I do have pictures of a visit to "Big" Nana's (Scott's grandma, Toby's great-grandma) from a week ago. We took her to lunch for her birthday and spent time looking at her (amazing) garden. I don't know how she does it, but she has the biggest garden I've ever seen! Big in terms of plants, not space. Anyway, here they are:
( pictures )

happiest. baby. ever.



Life as I know it is so over. Yes, he's on his knees.

If you have a google calendar, this will be a fun diversion.

We have created a public calendar entitled "When will Toby Crawl?", because among our family we've developed a friendly pool to guess the date that Toby will first crawl. If you have a google account, you can see this calendar, which has the name of the person on the date of their choosing. I don't know if you can add yourself to the calendar, but if you leave me a comment with a date, I'll happily add you to the list. The winner will receive the Ice Cream Treat of their choosing (if it's really huge, we may ask all the participants to chip in...what, do you think we're made of money?) Out of state or far-flung participants will receive a voucher for Ice Cream Treats. Or just money. We'll trust you to do the treating.

Guess away! After a few days, I'll also post a list of the dates and names here so you can see them and throw your hat in the ring also.

FYI: Toby can push himself up on all fours if his feet are braced (ie: in his crib) for about five seconds, and without foot bracing (ie: the floor) for about three seconds, as of today.

Oh, and....Google accounts are free. So if you want to join in and you don't have a google account, it won't cost you anything. And google is AWESOME, so why don't you have an account yet?

This past weekend we had a garage sale. I had never put one together, though I enjoy going to them immensely, so I had no idea what a lot of work it is. There is the sorting, the pricing, the moving and setting up of tables, the selling. Aferwards, there is more sorting, removal of said pricetags, the taking to Salvation Army, the contacting for donation, etc. And in my case, the posting of things that did not sell but should have to Craigslist. I still have to say, it was totally worth it. Yes, we didn't make our first million by having the sale. But we got rid of a lot of stuff, we donated even more to good causes (All our baby stuff is being donated specifically to charities who deal with low income mothers). But what really gets me all excited is that I got rid of a ton of stuff!

Both Scott and I have this aversion to stuff. The problem is, I also am a big fan of "saving for a rainy day". You know, the whole "I might need that one day" attitude. In my mid-twenties I started working vigorously to counteract my pack-rat tendencies. I had boxes and boxes of, well, stuff that I had been lugging around with me. Old college notes. Magazines. Too many books. After moving it for the third time and realizing that I never used any of that stuff, I threw out bags and bags of what basically amounted to baggage...things I didn't need. Junk.

I try really hard to go through my things once a year or so and get rid of stuff. It's more than just not having a place to store things. I ask myself: "If I had to move out of my house today, and I had only one day, would I be able to do it?" Maybe that's extreme, but really, who needs half the stuff they have?

The hardest part of this was going through the boy's clothes. I kept coming across outfits that I thought "Oh, I remember when Ben wore this and we did this" or "Oh, Toby looked so cute in this at christmas"....but why save it? I have pictures, I have memories. There are, of course, limited outfits we've saved. I allow myself a few. The outfit Toby wore home from the hospital. The PJ's Ben wore on his last day here on earth. A sleeper that they both wore that was so cute I cannot part with it. But other than that, I purged big time...donated, sold, gave away. I don't want all this physical baggage holding me back. I want my house to feel clean, to feel like we live here and can create memories here, not like our junk is keeping us here.

It's hard to be sentimental (which I am, to a fault) and still be able to get rid of things. I don't want to hold on to things simply because they are there but because I attach memories and events to them. I'm learning that it's not necessary to have a physical reminder of events and memories, sometimes the memories are enough.

And when they aren't, there's always the scrapbooking to help me remember. The scrapbooking which now takes over a whole room in our house. *sigh*. I still have a long way to go.

Toby is all about using his voice this week. There has been lots of shouting, squealing and laughing. Sometimes he laughs so hard that it makes Scott and I laugh until we have tears coming out of our eyes. Also, when one of us gets home, Toby gets so excited that he just vibrates with happiness, and he shouts and laughs out loud. It is the best thing ever. :)

We had a garage sale this week, and managed to sell a few things. Not as many of the clothes we had sold as I would have liked, but those can be donated or passed on to others. We did manage to sell our crib, and have inquries on the double stroller and a few other things from Craigslist. Really this was about clearing some space out...I"m glad we were able to do that and make a little money in the process.

One of the pictures behind the link is of an amazing gift we got this week. My Dad's brother, my Uncle Paul, is a woodworker. He took a picture of Ben and used a computer program to generate a line drawing from the picture. He then cut out the line drawing with a scroll saw. The actual process was MUCH longer than that, the picture went through a few different incarnations, but the end result, as you will see, is simply amazing. It captures Ben's personality so well.

Take a look at these ( pictures! )

So Toby and I are walking through Target today, he's babbling away (as he does). Suddenly I hear a "HELLO!" calling from my purse, of all places. I think I must be overhearing something in another aisle. Then there it is again.... "Hello?" I pull my phone out and discover that, in playing with my purse and it's contents, Toby has managed to autodial my parents, and my mom is trying to figure out what the heck is going on.
I think this does not bode well for my future.

*There's been a request fore more pictures, and I have lots, I'm going to get right on that. Sorry for my slacking. :)

Today was "take your kid to work" day at my sister's company, and Toby and I went along to check out the scene. There was much cheek pinching, and since my sister's firm used to handle the advertising for Michelin, lots of comparisons to the Michelin Man...

Toby is looking for a ( job: )

Camping, sitting, standing...where do I begin?

Directly after my last post, Toby suddenly decided it was time to start sitting. So now he is a sitter. It's amazing...it was really a very sudden thing. He cannot stand to be laying down to play now, even though from time to time as he sits up, he gets tired or off balance and keels over to the side...sometimes crashing into random toys or baskets of toys. He's a pretty tough kid, though, and tends to shake it off. Thankfully.... I would hate to manage the waterworks each and every time he falls...and I know that he's going to fall a lot...Toby tends to shake such things off and move along. :)

Toby's first stay in the tent, at the family reunion, was pretty uneventful. He enjoyed waking up between mom and dad in the morning, and the ensuing cuddles and playing. He loved meeting his cousins and swimming in the lake. All in all, it was a fun but unremarkable weekend...just like we like it. :)

One thing I love about being at home all day is that Toby and I can go and do anything we want, any time we want. If we want to go do something, generally we just pick up and do it. This week I wanted to put him in a sandbox to see what he did, so we went up to Hess-Hathaway park. They have a fantastic playground there that is "all access"...any child can go and be able to have a good time. I used to love to take Ben there because even before he could sit up they had swings and things for him to play on. they also have a big sand pit in the middle of the playground. Well, the swings and sand were fun for Toby, he enjoyed looking around at the farm animals that are there...it was all okay. But then we came home and the GARBAGE TRUCK was in front of our VERY OWN HOUSE. It thought Toby would just explode, he was so excited. When the truck took off, the driver tooted the horn for him, and the ensuing shreiks and giggles were enough to alert the entire neighborhood that the coolest vehicle on earth was right outside our door. Good to know that entertainment is really as close as the end of the driveway and we don't always have to go to these fancy playgrounds and all.

Yesterday we went to the zoo, and I think that even though we had a great time (we met some friends for the day), Toby was a bit young. He had fun, and noticed a couple of things, but on the whole he really just enjoyed being outside for the whole day. I can't wait to take him next year when he'll notice all the animals and hopefully have lots more fun. :)

Don't forget to sign up for the buddy walk, time will go faster than you think. If you sign up soon, I will be able to get your Tshirts for you ahead of time and have them before the walk.

Some of you have already seen this letter, but I know I missed some people. It's Buddy walk time again. I set up our team page a few weeks ago, and it was more difficult than I thought it would be. Here is the invite to come and walk with us:


Dear Friends,

In the past, about this time of year, you have received a very upbeat Email from Scott and I inviting you to come and Buddy Walk with us during the Buddy Walk sponsored by the Down Syndrome Guild of Southeast Michigan (DSG), formerly Parents of Children with Down Syndrome. It has been far more difficult this year to set up our team page and write this invitation to you.

In February, after Ben's death, it was our intention to join another family's team and attend the Buddy Walk. We thought that maybe the two of us, and our parents, would still want to go so we could honor Ben and support the group we have come to love so much. Then as we began to tell people about this plan, we got this response "Well, we're coming..." It dawned on us that we can still have a team for Ben, to honor him and come together in his memory.

The Buddy Walk, over the past two years, has come to mean a lot to our family. It is a time to celebrate Ben and how much we love him, to reaffirm that it is not his difference but his "sameness" that we adore. I know that this year many of you gave to some wonderful charities, including the DSG. Although donating to the Buddy Walk is something I would not discourage you to do, this year we feel it is more important than ever to come together and WALK; to affirm with our physical presence and attachment that we remember the miracle that was Ben, and the miracle of all children and people with Down Syndrome. We appreciate everything you have done, given, felt and come together for this year. We want to ask you to make room in your heart and your schedule to come together with us once a year to remember and honor Ben, not on the day of his death, but on a day that celebrates ability, love, acceptance and everything else that Ben's life stood for. Please come Buddy Walk with us this year, above all others.

The walk this year is at Kensington Metro Park. The path is paved, and it should be a wonderful day. After the walk we will be having a picnic lunch, so bring something to eat and we can all sit together and have some fun. If you have given to the Buddy Walk in the past, you probably received a flyer in the mail. DON'T THROW IT AWAY....you can use it to get into the park for free on the day of the walk. This year's walk occurs on October fourth. You can join our team by going to http://buddywalk.kintera.org/dsgsemi/benrandall. Please be aware that when you join our team, you will be asked to create your own fundraising page. If you want to donate, you can do so from that page or from the original "Ben" page...either one will work and both will count towards our team goal. Again, it is so important to us that we come together and walk. That is our fundraising goal for this year.

Thanks and we'll see you on the fourth of October,
love,

the Randalls